Cunt of the week #5

I walked my daughter to preschool this morning and it was great. We chatted and looked at the newly blooming flowers and the changes in the trees. We took turns pushing my son in his pushchair and sometimes pushed with one hand each so we could hold hands and warm them up. Lovely. One of the fantastic parts of being a parent.

But then we had to start avoiding the copious amounts of dog turds littered about the path we take. The path runs around a park with housing on three sides and a large play area and a civic building which houses the preschool at the other end. In order to traverse this path we had to avoid no less than 20 separate piles of canine shite. We also passed 3 bright red bins for the disposal of said shit.

Now my daughter is a very aware child. It comes from having a daddy who might try and pinch her chips. She notices when there’s a mound of faeces in her way and she’s careful to avoid it. She also lets me know so I don’t plough through it with the buggy. But I find myself asking why she should need to be so aware of the fact that some careless dog owner is too fucking selfish to pick up after their dog? Why aren’t these idiots using the provided bins? They must realise their dog is crapping its pedigree chum all over the pavement, dogs don’t just let it fall out their arse while they stroll along!

I’ve also noticed a bizarre trend of some dog owners bagging up their pooch poo and hanging the bags on tree branches like they’re decorating the scummiest Christmas tree in the world. Why?!? Why not carry it to the fucking dog shit bin that’s 10 metres away?!? I’m utterly perplexed by this behavior! If I, as a parent of a child who uses nappies, started leaving bagged crap filled deposits outside Pets At Home, there would be uproar and probably a police investigation! So what makes it so acceptable for these cunts to leave shit smeared across the path outside my daughter’s preschool?

These selfish shit flingers infuriate me. They risk the health of all the children who use that park, the preschool and the football pitch all because they can’t be arsed to carry a small bag to pick up the product of their dogs’ back passages. They can’t be bothered to walk a few steps out of their way to put the diseased leavings of their hounds in a place provided for them. Utter utter cunts.

Please pick up your dog’s shit, keep Britain tidy, and don’t make me come round your house and shovel it through your letter box.


Cunt of the week #4

No joking about with this one. The people involved in this horrendous crime are evil cunts, not just idiot wankers. This week COTW goes to Steubenville High School football players Trent Mays and Ma’lik Richmond who raped a 16 year old girl. That’s enough about these pathetic excuses for human beings. They’ve been charged and will suffer the consequences of their actions, although nothing can repair the damage they’ve done to that girl. They share COTW with the CNN news channel who have seemingly sided with the rapists in this matter despite the guilty verdict. Their coverage on the matter focussed on the effect this verdict would have upon the rapists and their families rather than the huge impact it has and will continue to have upon the victim. CNN’s Candy Crowley and Poppy Harlow discussed the case as such: “These two young men — who had such promising futures, star football players, very good students — literally watched as they believed their life fell apart.” “What’s the lasting effect though on two young men being found guilty juvenile court of rape essentially?” They repeatedly showed footage of the parents of the rapists pleading with the judge and in tears, as well as footage of the guilty crying too, but failed to make any note of how this event has shattered the life of a young woman. Cuntishness beyond compare this week. Please boycott CNN if you’re reading this from the US, Canada or anywhere else it’s shown. Feel free to contact them and let them know how you feel about their coverage of this case.

Cunt Of The Week #3

Had a difficult choice this week. I noticed quite a few prime examples of extreme cuntishness this week in the media. Rio Ferdinand was the leader of the race for his abuse of the referee in Man United’s champions league clash with Real Madrid, but then I got ill and I changed my mind.

The award this week goes to my immune system. I’m meant to be having a busy and productive week of job hunting and what do I get? Ill. My head is banging, my sinuses are trying to implode my face, my throat is full of razor blades and I’m producing more mucus than the R&D department at Kleenex!

So fuck you immune system you piece of shit! You’re meant to stop this happening, not let germs run rampant in my body like it’s some kind of soft play centre for microbes! You are a cunt. You are a bigger cunt than Rio Ferdinand and he is such a colossal cunt that his cuntishness causes total eclipses when he passes in front of the sun! I mean, who the fuck thinks it’s acceptable to shout at a referee? To run up to him and verbally abuse him an inch from his face? To clap right in front of his nose because you don’t agree with the person most qualified to make footballing judgements on the pitch? What kind of Cunty McCunterson would think that was an acceptable way for a role model for thousands of children to behave? Does the Respect campaign mean nothing to you?

Really it’s no wonder such a cunt would come second to my snot.

Cunt Of The Week #2

I’ve captured a whale of a cunt for you this week! The most senior Catholic in Britain, the former Archbishop of St. Andrews and Edinburgh, Cardinal Keith O’Brien!

If you’ve not been watching the news this week, let me fill you in. Cardinal Keith has been forced to resign his position by one of the last acts of the outgoing pope, Benedict. Why you ask? Well it turns out that at least five priests have made complaints against him on the grounds of sexual impropriety. Naughty naughty. This is in clear violation of his vows of chastity and celibacy, the church’s stance on homosexuality, and the conduct expected of someone in such a position of power.

His office initially referred to the allegations as “unsubstantiated, non-specific and anonymous” and threatened legal action against a daily newspaper for running the story. However, he has since stepped down and released the following statement:

“In recent days certain allegations which have been made against me have become public. Initially, their anonymous and non-specific nature led me to contest them.

“However, I wish to take this opportunity to admit that there have been times that my sexual conduct has fallen below the standards expected of me as a priest, archbishop and cardinal.

“To those I have offended I apologise and ask forgiveness. To the Catholic church and people of Scotland, I also apologise. I will now spend the rest of my life in retirement. I will play no further part in the public life of the Catholic church in Scotland.”

So he’s owned up and resigned, done the decent thing you might say, but he’s still a cunt and I’ll tell you why:

-He was in a position of power and abused that to intimidate his victims into silence.
-He only resigned because he was forced to.
-His actions are meant to be a shining example of how to lead a Christian life and inspire others to live well.
-He was once a liberal, but sold out his views to become a cardinal and took up a hardline stance against homosexuality and marriage for priests.

He let down his church, his religion, his victims, his congregation, but worst of all himself. He preached that homosexuality was a sin and ignored his own feelings on the subject, siding with the Catholic church’s hardline stance rather than admitting the truth to himself. What a cunt.

Foreign traffic

I’m intrigued by some of my recent blog stats. I’ve noticed that my blog is of international interest!

I started this off as a better way of getting the stupid/ranty/crazy thoughts out of my head than just turning toward my wife and letting out a Peter Griffinesque “you know what really grinds my gears?”. She’s been with me for 11 years now so I thought it was time to give her a break. I know, I’m awesome.

But little did I realise that *raises sword above head* by the power of Greyskull Google and Twitter people in other nations would read my thoughts!

Now I understand that people in English speaking countries might want to read something about being a SAHD or sporting culture, and lucky them, they found me. So hello to the USA, Canada, Australia and New Zealand! But over the last few days I’ve had hits from Kenya, Ukraine and Pakistan. Hello to you guys to!

So what is it that’s made my blog so appealing to these non English speaking countries? Why am I getting hits off Bing and Google from the far flung corners of the globe? Do they care about the plight of the people of Happyland? Do they want to know how not to be a good SAHD? Who knows? All I know for certain is that my international hits started after the inaugural Cunt Of The Week post.

I think the only lesson we can take away from this is that there are cunts all over the world and people of all nations want to see if their national representatives are in with a chance of winning #COTW. I feel a world cup of cunts arriving in the summer…

Cunt of the week #1

I feel compelled to install this as a weekly feature on my blog due to the absurd levels of stupidity and insensitivity shown by some people. I’m aware that fuckwittery has existed for some millennia, but as my blog has only existed for under a month I hope you’ll excuse my late arrival to the party and bear with me as I comment on just why my choice of Cunt Of The Week has earned the title.

This week the award goes to Colin Brewer the independent councillor for Wadebridge East in Cornwall.

So what has this man done to inspire my ire? Back in 2011 he was attended a meeting at the local county hall where the charity Disability Cornwall had a stand in order to raise awareness of their charity and the work they do. When approached by the charity’s representatives he told them that:

“Disabled children cost the council too much money and should be put down”

What a colossal cunt. He’d earn his award just for that comment, but there’s more.

The reason this has hit the news this week is because an investigation was launched after the charity made a formal complaint and the result of this was that the independent complaints commission ruled that Brewer should write a letter of apology to the charity. Councillor Brewer’s apology letter read:

“I am writing to offer my wholehearted apology for the offence these remarks have clearly caused.

“While I meant no offence by my remarks to you I can see, in retrospect, that they were ill-judged and insensitive and should not have been made at all.”

So the man can’t even apologise for what he said, only that it caused offense!

He went even further to justify his unjustifiable words when questioned by the local newspaper, The West Briton:

” I had come to their stall after a long council meeting and I was probably a little bit het up as we had had some difficult debates.
I could see that they were trying to sell me something so I said something to them which I thought would provoke a reaction. But they turned their backs on me and I walked away. I thought that was the end of the matter until the complaint.
I used to be a salesman and I said it to provoke them into a discussion. I expected them to parry it and talk to me.”

This just goes to prove what a dick the guy is and why he wins the inaugural Cunt Of The Week award.

If anyone has any further nominations please tweet me @SillyBeardy with the hashtag #COTW