End of the road

The great marathon dream is over.

That sentence sums up the whole of this post so feel free to go back to work, daytime tv, children, cup of tea etc if you like, the rest is just details and whinging really.

As many of you will be aware, I injured my knee in a cycling accident last year which resulted in me losing my job and dropping out of university. There’s a post about it somewhere on here… You’ll find it I’m sure. As part of my recovery I’d started running again and set myself the challenge of completing the 2014 Brighton Marathon.

All was going well, running was getting easier, I was losing weight and building muscle around the damaged joint, but then the pain started again. It’s nowhere near as bad as last time, but I know that it could be if I push it. So all running is suspended until further notice. My trainers have been mothballed. My lycra undies remain unstretched.

I’m gutted.

As a consequence I’ve lost all motivation towards getting healthy and the treats have crept back in; wine, beer, chocolate, biscuits, are all back in the kitchen. Maybe I’m meant to stay fat and unfit. Maybe the pain in my knee is my body’s way of telling me to watch more tv, play more Xbox and eat more crap. I’ll listen for now, but hopefully I can ignore it again soon.

Stupid knee.

Ill health vs mental health

I hate being ill. Really really hate it. Even more than I hate Jamie Oliver. And I really hate Jamie Oliver.

I tend to get ill a fair amount, I just have a crappy immune system, but it more or less guarantees that if the kids are ill I’ll get it too. But one of the side effects of this is that I get depressed. Today I’ve barely wanted to interact with anyone and even went back to bed whilst the rugby was on and all that’s wrong with me is a sore throat, cold and headache!

When I was at university the first time I was diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome and spent most of the day sleeping as I was constantly exhausted. I spent most of my twentieth birthday in bed rather than out celebrating with my friends. My previous birthday had lasted for a week! I was depressed, but there was little I could do to change what was happening and just had to wait for my body to sort itself out.

I’ve struggled with this since then, my mental health taking a downturn whenever my physical health does. At the moment it’s a daily battle. Since my cycling accident I’ve been in a dark place. I suffer with pain on a daily basis and my mood rises and falls in sync. Any additional impact on my health just makes the situation worse. I need to be healthy. I hate to think what I’d be like if I ever had a serious illness…